Oh No! It’s Almost Valentine’s Day!/Your Valentine’s Day Survival Tips!

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So. last night I wrote a super serious post about Valentine’s day.  Then I deleted it.  After reading it to my sounding board, Señor Lee Nutter, I decided that being serious on Valentine’s day is akin to crying while watching “Jessie” on the Disney Channel.

I just shouldn’t let it happen.

In the stead of my post from last night (RIP), I will tell you some Valentine’s Day jokes.

Ahem.  Are you ready for this?  Cause I’m really gonna do it.

What did the valentines day card say to the stamp? Stick with me and you’ll go places.

What do single people call Valentine’s Day? Happy Independance Day!

What did one pickle say to the other? “You mean a great dill to me.”

Roses are red, violets are blue. If he’s busy on Valentines Day, the side chick is you!
Ha! Lame, I know. If you would like more, you can check out this source.

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And now for your Valentine’s Day Survival Tips from around the Web!  Ok, maybe it’s not a survival guide, but there are some great (serious) tips here…that I didn’t have to write! :)Whether you think Valentine’s Day should be a week long holiday, or you wish Saint Valentine would come back to life, so you could slap him in the face, there is something in here for you!

Are you Single?  Check out this Singles Survival Guide for Valentines Day.  It has some great ideas to help embrace Valentine’s Day instead of hate it.

Dating Someone You’re unsure about?  I really enjoy reading A Blog About Love and loved this post about Love or Love Addiction!

Need a Valentine Art Project for the Kids?  I think I’ll try this project from Love Taza with my little Sis!

Need some help falling in love with your spouse again?  Check out these 3 Marriage Habits or read this amazing story!!

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Does this Valentine’s Day have you worried that you’ll never have the pleasure of experiencing “true love? Worry no more! There isn’t one single human on this earth that gets to experience “true love” from another human. Because there isn’t one single human who can love perfectly and truly.  The quicker you can embrace this, the quicker you will see more love in your life!

Knowing that true love only comes from God will take the pressure off of what you expect from your spouse (or anyone), and allow you to just love and receive love in its various forms.  Love without expectations!  Can you imagine?!?!  I’ve found the more I allow God’s love in my life, the better wife I am to Lee!  I don’t have to expect him to be my everything. (That’s a lot of pressure!!)  Lee can’t fill all the holes in my life.  To expect him to do this would be a disaster for our marriage!  Instead, I get to be full of God’s love!  And then the love I get from Lee is just the icing on top! Pretty dang good icing too, if I don’t say so myself!! : )

Check out this post from Mara on A Blog About Love.  She talks about how this mindset changed her life!!

So fill yourself with God’s love this Valentine’s Day and Love the people around you with NO STRINGS ATTACHED!!

Have a great weekend and a Happy Valentine’s Day!  If you need a lift in spirits, you should probably visit the Awkward Family Photo Website!! (Source for photos above)

 

How will you show love this Valentine’s Day?

 

One Million Reasons Why I Love My Husband

DSCN0984Sometimes you might run your car into your husband’s completely motionless truck, which he thought was safely parked in the driveway of his own home. Sometimes this same instance will completely demolish your front bumper, which creates more work for him and less money for everyone.  Sometimes you might tell your husband something that will make him dislike you for a week…or two.  Who’s counting?  Sometimes you might cook a meal that cannot physically be eaten.  Hot dogs anyone? Sometimes you might look like a bag lady.  And that’s while actually wearing legitimate clothing. Sometimes you might be sooooo boring that your husband has to take up crocheting in order to pass the evenings.

I will neither claim nor deny any of these self-proclaimed allegations.

But, more than likely, they have happened…on more than one occasion.

And this is Reason #1 why I love my husband!!  

He loves me despite my many flaws.

Thank you Lee!!

I’ve decided that I am going to start posting a million reasons why I love my husband.  It’s not because I’m trying to make anyone jealous, or because I like to brag about all the wonderful things in my life since nothing ever goes wrong.  Cough, cough.  Okay okay. Lord knows, one million and fifty things go wrong on a regular basis (see above). I’m creating this post because there is way too much negativity towards relationships in this world.  It’s time we start celebrating our spouses!!  So many movies portray either a perfect relationship with a perfect ending that is in no way, humanly possible.  This, in turn, makes everyone question their real, live, human relationship in its entirety because things aren’t turning out perfectly. Or there are those commercials which portray the men as completely incompetent and women as the know-it-all.  We’re more than that!  All of us!! We’re all imperfect human beings who just desire to give and receive love in our lives.  Not perfect.  But real love.

Our spouses aren’t perfect but our spouses are a gift!!  God didn’t allow us to meet our spouse so that we could continually find flaws in each other and point them out until there is no joy or love left, or until one of us breaks down and leaves.  God gave us our spouses to help us grow and become better at love.  Helping us to become more patient, kind, intentional, and selfless.  Getting good at love is how we grow!

None of us has a perfect relationship.  But we’ve been given the gift of love and its reciprocation in our spouse.  Let’s celebrate it before it’s too late!!

According to this article in the Wall Street Journal,

“Experts say a common cause of divorce is the feeling of being unappreciated by one’s spouse.”

Are you showing your spouse appreciation for the good things they do?  Yes, I know, they do things you don’t like.  But they also do good things.  Dig deep if you have to!!

I also like this reminder from PBS.org.

“To really sustain a loving and vital bond, you need to do more than just come home.  You need to come home in a way that makes your partner know why you are coming home to them. Just eating the meal he prepared or walking around the house she cleaned is not celebration of your partner.”

So, without further ado, I am starting a regular blog post to celebrate the one million reasons I love my spouse.  Oh, and I’m not just going to post them here.  I’m actually going to tell Lee and show him my appreciation for the things he does and who he is.  Now, I may not make it to one million, but I’m definitely going to start a new habit!

There are a million reasons that Lee could make me feel bad about myself (No, I will not list them all, now you’re just being rude).  Instead, he makes me feel like a million bucks and my flaws don’t even make him flinch.  Ok, maybe they do…but at least he flinches behind my back.  And for that, I’m forever grateful!!!

So, thank you Lee for loving me despite my millions of flaws!!

I can’t wait to see what kind of benefit this regular post will bring for our relationship! Wink Wink.

What do you love about your spouse today?  I’d love to start spreading some love…so please share!! (and then I hope you go tell him/her!)

What Science Says About Lasting Relationships!

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There are TONS of opinions in this world about how to create a lasting relationship, but I always love to read what science says!

I just read this article today and I loved everything about it!

Please check it out!

SCIENCE SAYS LASTING RELATIONSHIPS COME DOWN TO 2 BASIC TRAITS

Are YOU practicing these two traits in YOUR relationship?!?!

What Our Wedding Vows Really Mean

Once upon a time five years ago,

in a land not so far away,

there lived a dashing young man and a heavenly young maiden (at least that’s what we’d like to think) who decided to fuse their lives together…

It was a flawless October evening for an outdoor wedding.  Love lingered in the perfectly crisp, fall air.  It was there, in the pleasant trees and grass, where they young man and maiden dedicated their lives to each other in front of their dear friends and family.

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They pledged their lives to each other using these conscientious vows:

I Lee/Melissa, choose you Melissa/Lee as my best friend, my love for life.  I promise you my deepest love, my fullest devotion, my tenderest care, through the pressures of the present and the uncertainties of the future, I promise to be faithful to you.  I promise to love you, to commit to you, and support you.  I pledge to respect your unique talents and abilities, to lend you strength for all of your dreams.  you have shown me true love and generosity and for that I thank you.  I praise God for you Melissa/Lee: for all of your love and constant friendship.  I know that our love is from God’s grace and I promise to be here forever and always.  From this day forward, you shall not walk alone.  My heart will be your shelter and my arms will be your home.  As I have given you my hand to hold, I give you my life to keep.

So sweet aren’t they?  A true fairy tale…

Cough. Cough. Ahem.

And now, five years later, we understand what our wedding vows really meant…

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Lee first…

I Lee, choose you Melissa as one of my best friends.  It’s not that I don’t think of you as my best friend, I just need time with the guys so I can talk about car chassis and the turning radius on our mower.  You’re still my love for life though, so high five for that.  I would like to promise you my deepest love, but there’s gonna be times when the deepness only gets as deep as talking about the latest Simpson’s episode.  I absolutely promise to be faithful to you.  So, please don’t confuse my imperfections for anything other than my desire to love you imperfectly.  For instance, tender care might be giving you a foot massage so you’ll forget about the reason you were really mad at me.  I promise to love you, meaning I will do my best to understand the in’s and out’s of “your time of the month.” This way I can be prepared for those scary moments when you’re extra quiet and I have not idea why.  I promise to commit to you, meaning, I am here for you even when I can’t fix the problem and the crying doesn’t stop.  I promise to support you by letting you blog about our personal lives on the world wide web, even though I prefer to be “off the grid.”  I will lend strength to your dreams.  Even though your dreams seem to change from one week to the next, I will support every single one of them.  I know our love is from God’s grace; how else could we survive??  I promise to be here forever.  Not only during the pain of loss and the hardships of sickness, but also during the boring times that lack excitement.  From this day forward, you will not watch T.V. alone, except for the evenings when you insist on watching the Disney Channel.  My heart will always beat for you.  It will beat especially faster for you when you try to push your stress over on me. But, it’s still for you.  My arms will be your home, though let’s keep it to a max of 20 minutes so my arms don’t fall asleep.  As I have given you my calloused hand to hold, I also give you my very imperfect life to keep.

 

 

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and mine…

I Melissa, choose you Lee as one of my best friends.  It’s not that I don’t consider you my best friend, I just really need girl time too. For some reason when I talk about girl stuff, like having babies and wearing stilettos, I just don’t get the reaction from you that I get from the girls.  You’re still my love for life though, so high five for that. I would like to promise you my deepest love, but there’s gonna be times when the deepness only gets as deep as being deep asleep next to you. I love sleeping.  But I love you too. I absolutely promise to be faithful to you.  So, please don’t confuse my imperfections for anything other than my desire to love you imperfectly.  For instance, tender care might be just opening a can of soup for dinner or being quiet instead of saying how I really feel.  I promise to love you, meaning, I will still love you when the room smells a little funky.  I promise to commit to you, meaning, I will do things like clean the bathroom after you’ve been sick with the flu for a week.  I promise to support you, meaning, I will do things with you like live in fixer-upper houses for as long. as. it. might. painfully. take to get them fixed up. I will lend strength to your dreams.  I might get a little stressed out and show my true colors during the process, but I’ll do it.  I know our love is from God’s grace; how else could we survive?? I promise to be here forever. Not only during the pain of loss and the hardships of sickness, but also during the boring times that lack excitement.  From this day forward, you will not watch T.V. alone, except for the nights when you can’t sleep and I can.  Then you must go to the living room and watch T.V. alone so I can keep sleeping.  My heart will always beat for you, it will especially beat faster for you when I’m upset, but it’s still for you. My arms will be your home, though I much prefer laying in your arms.  The other way around is just awkward.  As I have given you my current un-manicured hand to hold, I also give you my very imperfect life to keep.

So, we said our wedding vows five years ago and we meant them with all our hearts. Today, we would say them again, but they would mean so much more.  Life can be difficult and marriage is a part of life.  But we embrace every minute of it.  In five more years we will understand the depth of our vows that much more.

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How have your wedding vows evolved over time?

And Then I Was Like, Whatever Facebook.

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Yep I was.

I even put my hand up in its FACE while I said it.

This is exactly how it went down.

I logged into my facebook account simply to check in with all my peeps, see what they’ve been up to.  You know, the usual scroll and click, scroll and type.  It started out innocently enough, but it slowly crept up on me…

That feeling.

I ignored it and kept scrolling.

There it was again.  What was that?  Indigestion?

Oh well.  I kept scrolling through the plethora of amazing photos and their witty and sweet captions.

There it was again.  Before I could put my finger on it, I began to feel the full effect.  It was the beginnings of that dreaded, unrealistic, extreme, facebook-spiral-dive to my face.

Photos were flying by in a tornado of facebook flurry.  Each one more amazing than the last…and accompanied by it’s own unrealistic and weird spiral-y effect in my mind.

The pictures in all their glory were…

A beautiful beach/scenery.

My overdramatic reaction:

What a beautiful picture!  They must be so relaxed there! I wish I could be on a beach.  Why aren’t I on a beach right now?  Hmmm, instead I’m in KANSAS surrounded by wind and land.  My life isn’t as cool as their life.  In fact, their life is so cool, I might as well quit my job, sell my house, and move in with my parents.

A beautiful family photo.

My overdramatic reaction:

What a beautiful family!  I’m so happy for them and can’t wait to hang out with those kiddos.  Look at how perfect their life seems!  I don’t have any kids yet, will they stop hanging out with me because of that?  Oh no! I’m probably going to die an old lonely woman… and cats don’t even like me!

The gorgeous selfie.

My overdramatic reaction:

Wow she’s soooo beautiful!  Her features are impeccable.  I wish I was that pretty.  I’m quite certain it’s impossible for me to take a good picture.  In fact, never in the span of human kind have I EVER taken a good picture EVER.  I should probably shut down my facebook account right now tomorrow.

The beautiful couple.

My overdramatic reaction:

ADORABLE!  They are such a good looking couple.  That lighting is so perfect in that picture.  Lee and I have never taken couples photos except for our wedding.  Hmm.  Does that mean we aren’t as in love as they are?  Should I be worried about the fun pictures we haven’t taken?  Oh no! Is our relationship on the brink of destruction???

Fun group.

My overdramatic reaction:

What a fun group of people!  It looks like they’re having a blast!  I wish I was in that photo…even though I have no clue who those people are.  They should get to know me, because I’m pretty cool too, right??? Since they don’t know me, does that mean people don’t really like me? Thank God I have Lee in my life, otherwise no one on the entire face of this earth would even know who I am!  My friendships don’t even exist unless they exist on facebook…

Wait a tick…

No, that’s not right…

…And then I finally snapped back into reality.  I don’t know if it was God knocking on my head (which I barely felt through the thickness of my curly hair) or maybe it was the actual indigestion hitting me.

But, I was glad to be back.  I was glad to remember that my life has nothing to do with facebook.  Instead, my life has everything to do with my reality.  Thankfully, my reality includes lots of love.  Love to and from my most generous and attentive husband, my amazing family, my freaking fabulous friends, and, last but not least, a gracious God.

My life on facebook may not always consist of a beautiful backdrop in Hawaii, but I hope my real life will always resemble a backdrop of love.

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My life on facebook may not be the perfect family of 4 (right now), but I hope my real life will always bless the people who enter it.

 

My life on facebook may not encompass the perfect smile or hairstyle in every photo, but I hope my smile in real life will always show compassion.

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In fact, I hope my life on facebook isn’t my reality at all.  I hope God allows my life to be more than a photo, a witty remark, or a cute caption.  Don’t get me wrong.  I will continue to post pictures that I have carefully hand-selected.  I still want you to think I have perfect hair and teeth and flawless skin.  Which I don’t.  Dang it.  Other than that, I truly hope my life is a reflection of what really matters.

Love.

So, when you start getting that dreaded feeling that your life doesn’t compare to the photos you are viewing…

Put your hand up, and be like, whatever facebook.  You don’t know me.  You don’t know my real life.

Cause in my real life, I’ve got love.  And that’s what really matters.

That’s what I did.  You should try it.

 

What do you hope for your life outside of facebook?

 

Photo cred for first photo: Caliber Magazine

Are You Dating a Gold Digger?

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Oh yes, it’s true.

There are gold diggers rrrrvrywhere.  They are trifling, cunning, little…well anyway.

This post is mostly coming from the great wisdom of our very own Señor Lee with his expansive and collective experiences of dating until he found his perfect girl.  Mwah. Heh!  : )

We don’t bring this up because We think gold diggers are running rampant like the zombies in every-other- tv-show-and-movie out there.  We bring this up because we think relationships are important enough not to end up with the wrong person.  There are many facets to avoiding the wrong person.  This is just one small avenue to help you in your journey.  All in all, we just don’t want you to miss out on being with someone who really cares about YOU!

There are some of you out there who may avoid dating because you think everyone you date is cunniving for your money.  This just isn’t true.  There are amazing people out there who would love to be with you, uber-wealthy or not.  But, the diggers are definitely out there and we think they can be avoided.

Gold diggers can be guys or gals, and they can be on different levels of gold digger-ness. Unless you are specifically a billionaire who is particularly interested in arm candy and no conversation, then please, make sure you are not dating a gold digger.

So how can a person tell if they are about to be stripped like a river rock going through the gold wash plant?

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Here are four signs of a person who may want to dig into your gold rimmed pockets.

1) The gold digger will ask immediately what you do for a living or may even be as bold to ask how much you make. The gold digger is a walking calculator always assessing in their mind if they have found the proverbial “mother lode”.

2) The gold digger also wants to know what kind of car you drive and where you live.  This information will allow them to know if you are the kind of person who spends money extravagantly or if you are more sensible and likely to say no.

3) The gold digger will only want to go out to fancy restaurants, go on expensive trips, or take you on their shopping sprees.  They will find ways to spend your money. They may even give you a sob story to trigger your pent-up-guilt so you will throw down some cash for their personal gain.  And don’t worry.  You won’t get that money back.

4) The gold digger will talk about certain things.  Pay attention!  Do they tell stories that only seem to highlight their indulgences or do they talk about how they work hard, have fun hobbies, enjoy the simple things in life, or love their friends and family?

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Inversely, how can you tell if someone may actually be interested in your equal contribution to a relationship?

1) When you offer to buy the person a drink or lunch they may refuse.  This doesn’t mean they are totally off limits.  Some people don’t like to be seen as someone that can be “bought off”.  They may want to be pursued a little harder and give you the chance to show you are really serious, not just trying to make an easy pass.  A person who isn’t just looking for an easy gold nugget might allow you to buy them lunch, but they will probably return the favor in the future.

2) They will ask you about YOU not your just your things. They will want to know why you live where you live, why you love the things you love, and they will want to know your dreams. Sure, they may ask about your job, but they’ll want to know why you enjoy it, not just how far you’ve advanced.

3) They will want to do simple things. For instance, they might like to go on a bike ride, cook dinner together, or walk around at the local renaissance festival (don’t diss it until you try it).  Everything you do together doesn’t have to be extravagant.  Love is based on who you are with, not on endless, exorbitant adventures.  If you suggest doing something simple like this, does the person you’re with cringe or love it?

4) They want to spend time with YOU.  The person who isn’t a trifling gold digger will find ways to be with you day in and day out.  They don’t care if it’s at an expensive restaurant, the latest scene, in the fastest car, or inside the biggest house.  They want to be with you. They want to be with you in a dive bar, in your 97 Oldsmobile, or at a skating rink with your nieces.  They want to be with you when you are sick and when you go to church.  You know they aren’t after your money when they are happy driving down main street in your not-so-new-car with the windows down…because you’re in the car.

You want to avoid a gold digger so you can avoid heartache in the future.  Life takes its twists and turns.  If your business loses money or your job gets downsized, the gold digger will ride your case and make you feel like a failure for something you can’t control. Or the gold digger will leave you over the very fact that you aren’t “worth as much” anymore.

Do you think you’re with a gold digger and want to get rid of them? Stop buying them everything they ask for and stop taking them out to the most expensive restaurants.  They’ll leave.  They’ll be on their merry little way, looking for the next victim to run through their proverbial gold wash pan.

Fight for yourself and your future.  Don’t be afraid to walk away.  There is someone out there who will love you for YOU!

Any other signs you would ad to this?

Image Credits: FLICKR

Love, Money, and Expectations Don’t Make Good Mixers

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Love.

It’s an indescribable feeling of palpable warmth that wells up from your heart.  From your heart it slowly spreads throughout your lifeless body to make you feel alive.  Free.  It makes an endless day seem simultaneously exquisite. How do we live without love? I don’t think we can.

I love being in love.  I love choosing to love, even when it seems lifelessness has engulfed my questioning body. It’s only for a moment.  I will fight for love in my life because love has fought for me.

Love gives me clarity.  Love gives me strength.

Money.

It’s a standard.  A quality or achievement that is acknowledged as acceptable or desirable. It brings feelings of temporary pride and happiness.  Money gives birth to what we believe is security and fulfillment. Money drives us, but it never saves us from ourselves.

I enjoy money.  I’ve even created a lot of space in my life for money because my short sighted mind believes it will bring me the answers. Yet, I have found, when I make more money I want more money. It’s never enough.  The answers never come. I don’t think I will fight for money. Money has never fought for me.

Money is a stressor.  Money gives me jealousy.

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Expectations.

It’s an innate desire to strongly believe that something will be exactly as you envision it to be. It’s the belief that your futuristic utopia will become your present reality. It starts out as an inkling of an idea in your heart. The idea oozes into your mind like an ink blot test that swallowed its white paper foundation. It becomes an overwhelmingly, palpable vision that must be achieved.  If not, your perceived reality will be destroyed.

I have a ton of expectations. They start as slight suggestions in my mind, then develop into standards and goals that must be achieved immediately or I’ll die. I’ll die because my mind has been enveloped in a nonexistent utopia for so long that it tells me my reality isn’t aligned properly. Truth is. Reality is beautiful. It’s the utopia that isn’t aligned properly. Expectations suffocate our realities. I want my reality to live and breathe as it was meant to. I will choke my expectations so my reality can thrive.

Expectations make me blind.  Expectations make me stop breathing the air I have right now in front of me.

Expectations offer the idea of a life that could be, but isn’t.  Money offers temporary happiness, but not permanent satisfaction.

Love offers peace…

…A contentment with life as it is.  A joy for who you are and who your partner is.  Nothing else.

So…

If you are taking drink orders,

I’ll take love on the rocks please.  Shaken not stirred.  No mixers.

Image Source: 1 & 2

Uh Oh. Another Curly Hair Problem!

I know.  If you have straight hair, you have problems too.

But, I’m sure we can both agree that our problems are very different.

Yet on an organic level, you and I are essentially the same.

We both want what we can’t have.  Right? So we must go on, loving our overly-greasy straight hair or our ginormous frizzy hair. Because it’s what God gave us…and nobody likes a poor sport.

I now present to you a new curly hair problem that I encountered during our recent travels to Hawaii.  This is problem number 30 for me.  It’s not that I don’t think straight hair isn’t difficult.  I just know when I straighten my hair, things like this don’t happen.

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Image Source

 

Are you ready?

You know you have really curly hair when:

Airport security pulls you aside after your full body scan in the turning x-ray thingy to do a manual pat down on your hair.  Good thing I decided against transporting that 357 Magnum in my hair.  That could have gone very badly.

P.S.  A good friend of mine sent me this link about curly hair problems.  It’s a funny read!

That’s all for today.  : ) Have a lovely week!

Melissa

A Marriage Tip From Some Pros

I hope you all had a FABULOUS holiday!

Mine was fantastic!  We got to officially welcome a new sister/daughter into the family!

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Aren’t they a beautiful couple?!?  These were pre-wedding shots that I took with my very professional camera.

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This was our view at the wedding.  Umm…gorgeous!  Unfortunately my camera died at this point. My profession as a photographer is not getting off the ground very quickly.

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This is what a Christmas tree looks like in Hawaii.  I really wanted to steal that white bird off the tree so I could wear it as a shawl and talk in an English accent.  Because, in my mind, that’s exactly what an English person would do.

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A view of the moon from our condo.  Did I mention I have post-Hawaii-depression?  It’s bad.  And yes, it’s real.

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Me and my beautiful new sis.

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Me and my hubba-hubba-hubby.

 

We highly recommend Hawaii for a get-away.  And if you would never go otherwise, have one your siblings get married there so you HAVE to go.

 

Also, on a somewhat related note, my parents just had their 40th wedding anniversary! Can you believe it?!?  I can.  They are an amazing couple and I’m blessed to have them as an example of love in my life.

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Aren’t they adorable!?!

So, in the spirit of my brother’s wedding and the 40th wedding anniversary of my parents, I asked my mom and dad if they had any tips for the rest of us.  They did.

 

“Let God do the changing of the other person.  Just pray for your partner and love him/her.”

 

It seems fitting to start the year off with advice to love your partner for who they are. That’s 40 years talking so I don’t think I need to say anything else…

 

I would love to hear from you!  Do you have any tips you would you give a newlywed?  Or maybe you’ve received some advice in the past that you found really helpful.  Or maybe you’ve been given some CRAZY advice.  Feel free to post in the comments or e-mail me and I will feature your tip on the blog! Email me at: melissa@greeneronthisside.com with “marriage advice” in the subject line.

 

 

 

 

 

 

One Very Important Way To Survive The Dating Game

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Aw, dating.

It’s complicated, messy, uncomfortable, perplexing, and scary.

Yet it’s the one thing we must do if, as a society, we continue to maintain the idea that we–as adults–can choose our own mate rather than have them appointed to us by our family. Although, my parents could have benefited from a brideprice goat in their front yard. Just think, trading a girl who complains about mowing the lawn for a goat that wants to eat it. Oh well.  Sorry mom and dad.  Looks to me like, as a society, we’ve made the right decision.  But that doesn’t make it any easier.  In fact, it probably makes it more difficult–at least initially.

So how do you survive this dreaded yet exciting time of life?  How do you make sure the decisions you make while dating aren’t screwing up your own life and that of the your poor dog who must listen to your wailing in the middle of the night?

I believe the answer is to find your gosh darn, good-for-something, self worth.

Yep, that’s it.  Self worth.

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But, please don’t get me wrong.  I’m not talking about self-indulgent, entitled, egotistical, I’m the king/queen-of-God’s-green-earth-and-you-will-give-me-what-I-want-because-my-mother-always-gave-me-what-I-wanted kind of self worth.

I’m talking about self worth that wakes up in the morning and says, “I was created to be me–which rocks–therefore I have the confidence to tackle the hard conversations, the power to walk away from relationships that zap my positive energy, the ability to make difficult life decisions, and the inner-most-desire to make every day in this very, very short life worth while.”

It’s not that I have all the answers, and, Lord knows, I haven’t done everything right.  And by everything I mean, I’ve justified behaviors and dis-respected myself and others. I’ve also let my own personal lies gather strength.  Strength that rolls it’s eyes at my sensitive side for trying to think I deserve more or better.

We all have times when we question ourselves.  We question our ability to love, to be loved, to give when we may get nothing in return, to hope for something that may never happen.  We wonder if we are good enough, good-looking enough, interesting enough, or smart enough.  All of our mindful decisions and desires tend to be questioned and put to the test while dating.

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It almost seems impossible to survive all those mindless self doubts that haunt us and easily turn into nightmarish self loathing.  But we can survive it.  And here are 8 reasons why self worth will help you survive the dating game.

1.  You are more attractive.  Your inner strength and confidence is gravitating.

2. You won’t waste your time in a relationship dead end.  Your inner strength will help you see that your life purpose isn’t being served when you are with someone who doesn’t respect who you for who you are or where you want to go in life.

3. You won’t take rejection as an indication there is something wrong with you.  You will use rejection as a stepping stone to something better in your life.

4. You will be more focused on what is really important in a relationship.  When you have self worth you won’t date someone hoping they will fill a void that is missing.  Instead you will find someone who helps you see the voids for what they really are.

5.  You will find someone who will help you live out your purpose in life.  Being with someone who is your partner in your life’s purpose is much more gratifying than being with someone who sucks the purpose out of your life.

6.  You will stand up for yourself.  You will have the strength to walk away from someone who is verbally or physically abusive.  Or someone who just doesn’t treat you with respect.

7.  You will be more selfless. When you have self worth you won’t need to rely on “getting” what you need from others.  You will be able to give and love without expecting something in return.

8.  You will have the strength to make good decisions and continue to believe in love. Self worth allows you to see past your immediate feelings and helps you to read the signs in relationships, negative or positive, in order to make a good decision. It allows you to see the love around you even after you have been hurt.

So…Cheers to self worth and not being traded off for a goat!

 

Want to know how to increase your own self worth?  Check out this article from PsychCentral for 6 tips on improving your self esteem or check out this post on developing your inner self.  Last but not least, I know we all have differing beliefs, but, for what it’s worth this is the most important way that I have been able to find self worth in my own life.

How have you survived the dating game?

Image Credits: flickr

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